...so i touched it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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