i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
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Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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