I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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