Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
