Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
