Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
