I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
