I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
