Already got asked if we're dating
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
