Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
