she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
