May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
