I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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