I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
