Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
