i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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