so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
