I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
