Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
