I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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