the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
