Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
