It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
