spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
