when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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