Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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