i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
