We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
