Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
