I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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