she was so not down for the gang bang
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
