break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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