pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
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he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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