Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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