Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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