I'm lost and stupid without you.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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