I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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