she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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