just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
