Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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