I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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