best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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