Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
