idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
