you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
