Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
