dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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