There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
