remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
