Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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