Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
