I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The air was thick with penises
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
