return my video game
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
