I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
