threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
