you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
