Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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