This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
