is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
