the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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