I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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