I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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