I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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