I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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