FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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